Diary of a Samson

June 21, 2020 ENEMY NUMBER 1

Dear Doggy Diary, 

(Ominous music) “ dum da dum…” MAGPIE!!! 

Ok mum, I’ll stay inside for a little bit. But just for a bit. I’m watching out the window. I’m not done with my bone yet and I’ve gotta protect it. 

You just never know when a no good for nothing something might just sniff out a good meaty bone that doesn’t belong to them, and then decide to make the FATAL choice of sneaking into my yard to try and steal it for themselves, those evil bast…Oh! Oh! I see something! No! 

Oh! (Low grumble) I see you bird!!! Damn bird better keep on flying! No, no, don’t you even think about it. Grooowwwl….huff…huff…woof! Don’t even dare, you hear me!? DON’T EVEN….WHAT THE WOOF!!!???

What kind of a bird are you?? How DARE YOU!! Woof woof woof! Huff huff (Breathing heavy) Get away from it! Fly away now! Why you little… Mum! Let me out! NOW!!! (Flies off deck) Woof woof woof woof woof! Growl,  snarl, woof woof woof! (Magpie freaks, gone)

(Note to Self: NEVER listen to mum when she tells me to come inside for a jerky when I’ve got a bone in the yard. Samson, what were you thinking? Pffftt).

June 10, 2020ENEMY NUMBER 2

Dear Doggy Diary,

When is the rain going to stop?

Growl. I hate when it rains. I’m stuck inside for most of the day. I don’t get a bone to chew on outside. I’ve succumbed to complacency.

THIS SUCKS

Why does it have to rain so much? Then my belly gets itchy from all the moisture and I can’t stop scratching. I thought winter was pretty bad, but this is ridiculous! Give a dog a bone here! Grumble…oh! I get to go outside?

Ahh! Forget it! It’s not worth it.

Finally! I get to go fishing with dad! Woofy! It’s about time!

Waiting…

Waiting…waiting…

I’m the king of the boat!!

May 9, 2020

Dear Doggy Diary,

We did it! That dog that showed up and didn’t leave? Well, we shipped her off! Somewhere far, far away. Road trip! I got to tag along and boy, was it a far drive. Of course that dog took MY side of the car and I was subjected to only one side. I couldn’t go between the two windows like I usually do. Luckily, we stopped for bathroom breaks and to stretch our paws. 

When we got there, the first thing we did was drop her off to her new owners! They are an older couple who looked very kind. They have a nice yard, though I don’t know what she would do with it, she doesn’t even care to play or to protect. 

I sure had fun though, smelled mountain air, and saw other creatures, some I tried to chase (Didn’t work). We stayed in a little overheated room for two nights. There was a very big lake and a sandy beach. I loved to run around there smelling all sorts of strange smells. Mum even tried to hide from me behind a tree but I found her! I even chased  her…until she tripped and fell! I immediately stopped and looked at her, she was okay, but I felt guilty so I pretended not to notice. Besides dad was there to help, but he thought it was funny and couldn’t stop laughing. Mum did not look too impressed at first, then she laughed too. 

The car ride back home was much better cause I had more room and got to lay on my side of the car, and I could choose which window to look out of this time. I really liked the exploring part, but was really glad when we got home. Why? I missed my backyard! Here’s some pictures of our journey.

April 14, 2020

Dear Doggy Diary, 

THIS DOG shows up at my house…and is STILL here! Mum said she is a foster dog. At first I didn’t know what that meant, BUT, now I do. It means a dog that shows up at your house and doesn’t leave!  Oh and steals YOUR bed, gets in the way of YOUR beef jerky, poops just about anywhere, AND has NO interest in playing! I tried to be friendly and play but she is too busy doing nothing, or exploring around on her own. I don’t really mind her though. I do like her but couldn’t mum have picked a dog I can play with? She said it’s only temporary and once she finds a good home for her, then it will be back to the three Musketeers.  

Guess I’m stuck with this oldie for now. Samson

March 11, 2020

Dear Doggy Diary, 

I wish mum and dad would stop taking photos of me when I’m not at my best. It is starting to become humiliating! How would they like it if I did it to them? There would be some compromising pictures I tell ya! Besides, um…I know how it looks but uh…I’m not THAT lazy! Really… 

February 25, 2020

Dear Doggy Diary, 

Spring, spring, I can feel you near! I can’t wait till you are here. After the big puddles dry up in our yard, I’m going to get bones again to guard. No more coats or booties to wear. Only the warm, sunny fresh air. Hope it doesn’t get too hot though. 

January 18, 2020

Dear Doggy Diary, 

I got my wish! I got my new doggy bed and guess what? It is orthopedic! I’m not sure what that means, but it sure feels comfy. I also had a lot of bully sticks. It was so cold last week and a half. I didn’t want to be outside cause my paws got so very cold. But I got extra treats! More than usual so I’m happy!

Dec. 12, 2019 – A Letter to Santa

Dec. 11, 2019

“Why dad”

Dec. 6, 2019

Dear Doggy Diary,

Every friday, mum comes home from work smelling like two male dogs…real stinky ones…. what gives? Does she reeeally go to work fridays? I wonder if dad suspects anything. I don’t think so. And she always acts happier than usual on fridays…hmmm…. I need to get to the bottom of this! Samson

Nov. 22, 2019

Dear Doggy Diary,

Saturday morning, mum and dad went somewhere without me. So I slept. A little later, I heard the truck. Oh good, they’re back. I looked out the window and saw mum get out but dad stayed in the truck. That’s weird, I thought. Wait a minute! I see a little head popping over the dashboard. Another dog!! They brought home another dog!!?? Mum comes in and grabs her phone and leash quickly and leaves. Oh I can smell that dog alright. All over her. Male…old…been outside for a long time. 

Dad finally comes in the house and lets me outside. I run full force to the front! Woof woof! Woof woof! Mum brings that dog to the fence. I can take him! Or, maybe he’s here to play with me. We meet and sniff. He ignores me. I want to play now, let’s play! But he wants nothing to do with me. No friend. Dad gave me a beef jerky, then he gave that ol’ dog one too! MY beef jerky that was made for ME! Oh I sure let that ol’ dog have it! No play? No jerky! Then dad gets mad at me and I get in trouble! Hmmph.

Well, turns out he was lost and mum took him to find his owners. She made some calls then took him away. I didn’t like how she was coddling him. Oh well, he was no fun anyway. Samson

Nov. 7, 2019

Dear Doggy Diary,

Sometimes when I’m outside, I pretend not to hear dad when he calls me into the house, or I pretend not to understand what he is saying. Hehe. So that he will come outside, and we can play that ‘chase me’ game. It doesn’t work with mum though. Somehow, she sees right through me. I can never fool her, she never falls for it. Maybe it’s a mommy thing. 

Nov. 6, 2019

Dear Doggy Diary,

Last weekend, I was surprised dad came home early! I was so happy to see him! That evening, mum and dad were having dinner and it smelled so good. I went up on the couch and rested my head on it staring at dad (He’s such a sucker).

It gets him every time! he looked at me, and then picked off a piece of food from his plate and gave it to me. Mmmmm.

So, I kept staring at him, back and forth between the plate and his mouth. He said something about me drooling then he gave me another piece! This happened two more times. When mum isn’t around, he lets me lick the plate too. He always finishes eating first.

So, I got off the couch and walked over to mum. I stood there sniffing closer and closer…then, mum looks at me! Oh, I think she’s…she looks me straight in the eyes and says, “No”. Darn! Hmmmm…so I do my sit thing that she always likes, she looks at me…and shakes her head. That didn’t work. Well, I tried.